What can I say today? I feel like I’ve taken some pretty big steps on this path towards career in music. I know that the way to be playing music is to actually play music. It’s really that simple. I am attempting to really put into practice the belief I’ve recently been reminded of- I am Source. So I am being much more proactive with my life and the opportunities that arise.
In meditation this morning, I put energy on each situation that I felt like I couldn’t necessarily move or change, and I brought it back to these are old beliefs I’ve had and now, with this new found, deeper knowing that I am Source, I changed the picture in my mind. That felt really great. So, in making this book of our travel photos I saw myself having fun with it, knowing exactly how to arrange the photos and going with the flow of it all. In getting ready to speak to a woman who has had a successful career this morning, trusting that I don’t have to direct the conversation and I can just surrender to the flow o fit and know that it will be perfect. Also, I had a vision in meditation about meeting the producer of the Marvin Gaye movie for lunch. That was a biggie. The thoughts of ‘what the fuck!’, ‘why would he say yes?’, and ‘you are probably bugging him by doing that’ all showed up and I simply said, these are thoughts of the past that no longer serve me and I can choose differently. I am source remember? It was cool.
It’s been an interesting four days of commitment to myself. Just the simple act of committing to waking at a specific time and writing for one hour a day has made a huge impact. I am really grateful for the inspiration to do this.
On another note, I had a great time last night with a friend from my master’s program. I am getting an M.A. in Spiritual Psychology. We talked about family, life, loss, change and I really loved how we opened up with each other. It’s been a slow process with him for me because when I meet someone I adore, I feel like I want to be their best friend instantly. That doesn’t really work for people who are private with their life details and guarded around certain issues.
I understand it and at the same time, there were moments in our experiences together where I took it personal because it felt like he didn’t trust me to hold him in his sharing. I do understand that now and he has given me the gift of a beautiful lesson in not taking things personally.
He shared some of his life with me last night. I am so grateful. And I have a clearing around putting everything into perspective. I do not have to take ANYTHING personally ever. Seriously. People are so deep, so intertangled in the webs of their lives and if I walk around thinking that the reason they don’t do x,y,z is because of me, I’ve got another thought coming quickly around the corner to remind me that I have no idea what’s truly going on for them and there’s a 99.9% chance that it’s got absolutely nothing to do with me.
So today, I email the producer and invite him to lunch when I am in L.A. I call this master jazz vocalist and know that I can be me- the real me in our conversation. And, even though my photo book is inanimate. I trust that the process in putting it together is a graceful one.
Even joyous. Peace.
