Today I wake with a knowing that I have work to do. And the beauty of this knowing is that it’s not just for me.
I notice I get caught up in worrying about what people will think of me, how will they perceive me, judge me and I usually end up getting stuck in that moment. But today as I meditated I got clear on a part of what I am to be doing.
The singing and performing and selling of albums and even the world notoriety all has purpose beyond itself. I had a vision today of a camp experience for young people where they have the opportunity to learn some of the life skills I’ve been blessed to learn throughout these 33 years. By no means do I have them down pat, but I do have access to them and whenever there is an opportunity to practice them explicitly, I will do that.
I see young people gathering in a safe space where I will provide them with information on how they might chose to look at life, I will provide them exercises and activities where they can begin to let go of that hardened external shell and experience living in a more expressive, loving place. They will be filled with joy, encouragement, and know that they are supported by a source greater than their moms, dads, siblings, relatives.
They will know that in connecting with other young people and people in general, they are always with family.
I like this idea because it’s something that has shown up for me a lot since I’ve been back in the states. I live in San Francisco and what I’ve seen of this city is beauty and ugliness. One might say it’s all in the observers mind what the observer sees and I am willing to accept that, but in being in this city for about 10 months now, I’ve noticed I have to look pretty hard to find a black person who is not looking through the recycling bin, lounging on a street corner for hours, yelling obscenities on the streets. (Again, I am saying I see this more, much more in fact, than I see someone who feels like part of the society I live in.) I am speaking of the area where I live, and that is close to downtown, SOMA, the Tenderloin, the Mission, the Embarcadero, etc.
It pains my heart knowing that most of the other black people in the city that I’ve experienced are poor, uneducated and living on the streets or in public assisted housing. I want to do something about it.
I’ve thought about working with adults and I definitely may do that- but in all honesty, I am not yet ready to approach the adult black folks living close to where I live. I am not yet ready to approach the man yelling at me for not wanting to engage in conversation. I am not yet ready to approach the man calling a black woman a bitch who will spread her legs for a white boy, but not for a black man. (This happened at Union Square- a black woman visiting from Seattle was chillin’ in the sun and this homeless guy came over to her and started berating her for not giving him some spare change. It was awful and I can only imagine horribly shocking and shaming for this young black woman trying to enjoy her afternoon because it was shocking and I had to work at it not being shaming for me.)
But I do see myself working with black adults living in other parts of the city. It is my joy and it’s really terrifying to me- I believe that’s why I’ve had this idea for so long and haven’t yet acted upon it. What do I really know? I am so done with these questions, but they still show up from time to time.
I imagine working with young people might be a great way to start.
I could go on for hours about how I feel life isn’t fair to a lot of folks. I could. And many people would agree with me. But working from that perspective that someone is owed something beyond their life doesn’t work anymore for me. I have said, it sucks and it’s not fair and gotten angry and pissed off when I experience people in this state, yet that doesn’t change the fact that it is the way it is. I take responsibility in this moment for how I am feeling and if I don’t like it (which I don’t), then I want to do something constructive about it. I am able bodied. I am brilliant. I am courageous. I am creative. I am resourceful. I am loving. So there’s nothing to stop me.
I imagine people in San Francisco would flock to give generously to this effort. I imagine I would be much more proactive about getting gigs, voice students, creativity clients, selling albums and t-shirts if I was doing it to make this camping experience for young black people a reality. Let me look at this gift of voice I have as a tool to help change the world. I’ve always wanted to be a UN Goodwill Ambassador and this might be one of my very first missions…should I choose to accept it.
Peace and Blessings.
