how does an artist stay motivated to be an artist? June 12, 2008

i have recently come to realize that i am an artist. that’s what i do…yet, i’ve noticed a great deal of frustration around this label. it’s been quite the challenge for me to own being an artist and also live with the fact that in order to activate my ‘artist’ship, i need other artists to participate.

talk about surrender…

i’m coming to the conclusion that in surrendering to music, i am also surrendering to needing other people. that’s a hard one to swallow…because what it means is that in order to do what i’ve been sent here to do, i need other people…

i am like an inert gas that needs some other element (i didn’t study chemistry in college…so don’t hate, go with the metaphor) to activate itself…

now that’s true surrender.

so…with this realization,

i am choosing to make music with other musicians. to collaborate. to co-create. i don’t want to be the ‘monique debose’ show although my ego sometimes disagrees with that…

ideally, i’d love it if i connected with three amazing musicians who were on the same page that i’m on.

*we wanted to make music because it felt good to us and we knew it was a part of our journey here.

* we were totally down with getting the music out to the world (as large an audience possible) because we knew when people heard the music and experienced the connection the four of us had to each other, the music and soul, they wouldn’t be able to resist it.

*we loved bouncing ideas off of each other and had a real commitment to creating and exploring together.

that’s what i am talking about…man, just writing it feels great.

that’s my first topic of discussion.

peace.

why’s it so hard to do the things we love? June 12, 2008

I have a real aversion to getting started on the work I say I love. Take writing this article for instance. It’s been on my list of things to do since Monday morning- it’s Thursday, and with a great sense of drudgery, I’ve finally gotten started.

Some folks would say, ‘hey, at least you’re doing it! And you’re doing it within the time frame you set for yourself.’ This is all true. But it just feels like I’ve procrastinated for much of the week. I have. I’ll be the first to admit it. It’s so much easier to check out who’s online on Facebook or check and re-check my gmail account every 4 minutes…just in case I got that one in a million email from the Marvin Gaye producers or a booking agent with some real clout. Usually, it’s something from MarketWatch- a newsletter I subscribe to and never read. I delete the emails I get from them- it gives me something to do.

So here I am. A woman who has every opportunity to make something of herself, at least make something of her day, and yet I find it so challenging that I usually end up surfing the net or catching some z’s.

The fact that I am so willing to say that I am a procrastinator leads me to believe that there is some benefit in being a procrastinator. I must get some value from feeling stressed out and useless and then rushing to do most of the things on my to do lists at the last minute. Maybe it’s that I’m just not challenging myself enough. Maybe the action items on my lists are not what my true purpose is about.

Hmmm…

That’s interesting.

I am embarking on owning my talent, my gifts, my potential. This my friend, is hard work…at least for me. But I suspect that it’s pretty challenging for a lot of us out there. There’s something about owning the truth of our desire, the truth of who we are. That shit is scary.

‘What if no one likes what you bring to the table?’ ‘What if people think you’re a fool?’ ‘What if you actually reach your goal and find out it isn’t as satisfying as you hoped it’d be?’

All these questions leave me feeling afraid…but what makes me feel even more afraid is waking up one day and feeling like I wasted my life. Waking up one day and feeling like I was so close to true fulfillment, true happiness manifesting in physical world reality, and I simply missed the turn and slept right on through the opportunity.

My life is a game. A very scary one at times, but all the same, a game where I can play as hard as I’d like or not play at all. I choose to play on the days when I can muster the strength to. On the days when I really get that there’s nothing hard about it and it’s just fun- I really flourish.

I want more of those days.

Well, even in writing this article I am feeling so much better about myself. It’s so true, the hard part is getting started, everything else is cake…or non-salted peanuts. (I am eating healthier this week.)

Peace.